Days away from the NAMI National Conference

Mom and I leave Friday morning for San Antonio. Our plane leaves at 5:40 am. I am going to stay overnight at mom and Greg's since I will probably have to get up at 3:30 or so anyway. It is only Monday night - but so far; this is a tired week. I have a lot to do before I leave for San Antonio too. Although tomorrow (well offically today) - I don't have to go into work until 4am on Wednesday so I can work partially into the day. Having some extra long time before going back into work will help.

My girlfriend Pam that lives in Texas (about a half  hour from San Antonio) is going to come and meet me on Sunday. I can't wait to see her. I worked with her back in the day in downtown Minneapolis. Last year when I went to Texas for work, I was able to stay a night with her and hubby and kids. I had a lot of fun so looking forward to seeing them again.

Well, it is official. I have been having hot flashes. They were happening quite frequently for a couple months but have died down now. I went to see my obstetrician doctor though because I feel like it might be messing with my moods - or at least throwing a wrench into them. Because when I am having my "thoughts" - they seem to be more intense. I am glad I went to see her. She said until I am having major hormone stuff going on constantly - she doesn't want to do anything yet. Though I may need some med tweaking. So I made an appt with my psychiatrist and was lucky enough to get in this week. She also said that she could see I was not my usual self. When she walked in she brought a box of kleenex right over. I was tearing up when we talked. Crap - even doing that right now. Urgh. Anyhoo - She asked what I needed to do (or something like that) and I knew that she was assessing or trying to gauge if she needed to get me into a hospital. I told her that I didn't want to go into the hospital - that I can't (even thought I felt like I needed to at least go to Maureen's House - like I did last time - so I am not in a locked unit but I am in a safe place). However, what I did say is that I am in a new job and I can't afford to take time off for that and also that I am going to San Antonio for the NAMI Conference. And that made her feel better. She said it is good that I have goals and that to make an appt today with my psychiatrist. So I went home and called and then called her office just to let her know that I did what she said. She also wants me to come back in a couple months for a check-in. Oh and she gave me a big hug (though I always get a hug from her). She said, "Heidi, I have known you for a long time and you are not yourself".

On a positive note; I am learning some new therapy. Painting!  My friend George from Guild connected me with his friend who is a professional artist. And he is giving me lessons for free. Jason is his name. He has art commissioned all over the place. In fact, some business men from China have commissioned him for 10 pieces of art - paying 10k or more! And he is giving little ol' me lessons for free. George said he loves to teach. I had my first lesson last Saturday. I am stoked about it. My first piece is of a woman. I love lots of bright colors so am into modern art. That is probably the only kind I will do I suspect. Jason even studied with Picasso and all over Europe. He is very interesting. And he gave me a hug after the first lesson. We clicked! He is a kind and gentle man. I had no idea what my first painting was going to be and then I decided and woman - because I am a feminist and think women are beautiful and more brilliant than men. And they are affectionate and kind and and....well just everything. As we were talking - Jason said that Picasso (I think it was Picasso) pretty much painted his life's journey. I was glad he said that because that gives me so much to think about it terms of painting!  I have tons of ideas now for the future! And thinking of doing a picture for each of my support systems that have gotten me here.

Ups and Downs - Ups and Downs - Life. And even when I don't want to think Life is ok, Life is ok.

June 11 2013

Eek - I didn't realize it has been this long since I blogged. My buddy Joel that I worked with in CT emailed me today which made me think that I probably haven't blogged in a bit. Well, I am officially on nights. Most nights I am doing totally okay. I think because they are only 8 hour shifts. I am working midnight until 8am. I start Sunday night and end on Friday morning. Unfortunately - this is one of my tired nights :-(

Last Sunday we had our monthly Community meal at my church. I love the Community meal. It helps me get to know the people better. I kinda have a core group there which is nice. I am slowly continuing to get through all my clothes to donate. I better get through them soon!  I am having the neighbor across the hall cat-sit Gertie while I am in San Antonio to speak at the NAMI National Convention. It is a good thing I am going because since I haven't traveled in awhile, I am getting to used to staying home. My mom is going with me.

I am totally loving my job. Totally a good move and I am so lucky to get it. My manager keeps telling me what a great job I am doing. Far cry from the last jerk. I had totally loved that job until I had to report to him. I knew I wasn't going to like it.

MN has had so much rain and gray skies after gray skies that I feel like winter hasn't even left. The only thing that is gone is the snow. It is really getting me down.

The people I work with are awesome too. Though that usually isn't a problem. Yeah there are always one or two that are kinda annoying but you can't get away from that! :-)

Well, I think I need to go take a walk!