I don't know how I continue to stay so busy when I keep clearing things off my plate. I think that is always a problem - I try to clear stuff off and yet replace with another. However, being aware is the biggest thing. Just because I may not be successful today or this week - doesn't mean I won't continue on. And it will happen. Kinda like with food vs alcohol vs food - I have gained about 20 lbs back and so that is freaking me out. However, not going to dwell on that. Just going to keep moving forward. I downloaded a fitness app to my DROID and it is basically a food, water and exercise online journal. Really makes me re-think my choices. I mean, I do re-think a lot of my choices - but this will even provide more accountability.
We are having a baby shower for a guy at work on Wednesday. Then a baby shower for my nephew Travis and his girlfriend will be at my condo on Saturday. Us owners got a Home Improvement Association loan (or something like that) from the City - so now we get to pay it over the next 15 years (unless I pay it off sooner). Anyway - so the Party Room has been re-done. It looks nice but of course - a lot of the "remodeling" that has been done is basically a cheap a$$ job. Which is annoying to me when we spend 2 million to do it.
We have such a weak board. And when I get off second shift - I will be running for the board.
I know I know - moderation! But sometimes a call to action is needed.
My first NAMI Board Meeting is Thursday eve. And I am speaking at Get To Know NAMI on Tuesday.
I just keep telling myself to stay in the moment - stay in the moment. And breathe deep. All I can do!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Happy January
On NYE, I laid low and went to a girlfriend's house that lives in the same condo complex as myself. We had steak and shrimp. Yummy!
On Friday (Jan 4) I finally graduated from treatment. The cool thing is that I can still go once a week for aftercare - so I am going to keep going on Fridays. They have become another little family for me. For graduation you get to pick the food for the "party" - I chose Taste of Thailand. It was yummy. Then we all sit in a circle and everyone says something to you - kind of a good luck good job type of thing. Everyone had super cool things to say. I wish I could have recorded it. All of the counselors there commented on how I walked in with such angst and everyone could totally see a sense of peace and calm over me now. That was nice to hear - because I can feel it inside so it is awesome that people can see it outside.
It doesn't mean that I won't have any symptoms of crabbiness, mania, etc - but even through all of that - I am still at peace with where I am today and my skill use is the best it has even been.
I also got a peace token that I put onto a chain to wear around my neck. I am going to keep wearing it daily for now; to remind me of treatment and my goals that I have worked toward, etc.
I am kinda sad about it too because I won't be meeting with my counselor once a week; but I know that if I need her, we can get together.
I stuck with the harm reduction - limiting the amount of alcohol. And of course continuing with continuous focus on my skills and making healthy choices in life. That is really the key for me.
I am going to see if I can build an app for the DROID to put in the information from treatment so that everyone that graduates can have the skills at hand on their phones.
Also with graduation, that means that I will be able to start going to Guild again! Yay! I will do that on Thursdays.
I became aware over NYE and this past week that I have mixed episodes of bipolar.
Sometimes, a mood episode includes symptoms of both mania and depression. This is called a mixed state.
During a mixed state, symptoms often include agitation, trouble sleeping, major changes in appetite, and suicidal thinking. People in a mixed state may feel very sad or hopeless while feeling extremely energized. That was totally me. It was really weird. I have probably had them before and just didn't know it. I have a lot of self-awareness now and that is the difference.
This past weekend flew by. My friends Julie and David came down to make a Mall of America run with their nephews from Florida, and then my friend Chanda was back in town. We went and saw the movie Playbook. It was awesome. Bradley Cooper, Robert DeNiro and Chris Tucker were some of the actors.
I made out a 2 week meal plan so that I know ahead of time what I want to cook and eat instead of eating out all the time. I still need to get groceries, but I will do that in the next couple days. I want to clean house first so I have room to put the groceries away!
Cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping are going to be my focus this week!
I think I need to do a bunch of throwing away stuff to get organized - I mean really organized. Which I want to do - but I think I need a whole weekend of nothing scheduled to accomplish it!
My brother and his family are in AZ visiting my dad. I will be anxious to hear how the plan trip went. I guess my three year old niece yelled "crash" about 15 seconds before they landed. hahahaha I bet that either freaked people or made them laugh! I would have laughed!
On Friday (Jan 4) I finally graduated from treatment. The cool thing is that I can still go once a week for aftercare - so I am going to keep going on Fridays. They have become another little family for me. For graduation you get to pick the food for the "party" - I chose Taste of Thailand. It was yummy. Then we all sit in a circle and everyone says something to you - kind of a good luck good job type of thing. Everyone had super cool things to say. I wish I could have recorded it. All of the counselors there commented on how I walked in with such angst and everyone could totally see a sense of peace and calm over me now. That was nice to hear - because I can feel it inside so it is awesome that people can see it outside.
It doesn't mean that I won't have any symptoms of crabbiness, mania, etc - but even through all of that - I am still at peace with where I am today and my skill use is the best it has even been.
I also got a peace token that I put onto a chain to wear around my neck. I am going to keep wearing it daily for now; to remind me of treatment and my goals that I have worked toward, etc.
I am kinda sad about it too because I won't be meeting with my counselor once a week; but I know that if I need her, we can get together.
I stuck with the harm reduction - limiting the amount of alcohol. And of course continuing with continuous focus on my skills and making healthy choices in life. That is really the key for me.
I am going to see if I can build an app for the DROID to put in the information from treatment so that everyone that graduates can have the skills at hand on their phones.
Also with graduation, that means that I will be able to start going to Guild again! Yay! I will do that on Thursdays.
I became aware over NYE and this past week that I have mixed episodes of bipolar.
Sometimes, a mood episode includes symptoms of both mania and depression. This is called a mixed state.
During a mixed state, symptoms often include agitation, trouble sleeping, major changes in appetite, and suicidal thinking. People in a mixed state may feel very sad or hopeless while feeling extremely energized. That was totally me. It was really weird. I have probably had them before and just didn't know it. I have a lot of self-awareness now and that is the difference.
This past weekend flew by. My friends Julie and David came down to make a Mall of America run with their nephews from Florida, and then my friend Chanda was back in town. We went and saw the movie Playbook. It was awesome. Bradley Cooper, Robert DeNiro and Chris Tucker were some of the actors.
I made out a 2 week meal plan so that I know ahead of time what I want to cook and eat instead of eating out all the time. I still need to get groceries, but I will do that in the next couple days. I want to clean house first so I have room to put the groceries away!
Cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping are going to be my focus this week!
I think I need to do a bunch of throwing away stuff to get organized - I mean really organized. Which I want to do - but I think I need a whole weekend of nothing scheduled to accomplish it!
My brother and his family are in AZ visiting my dad. I will be anxious to hear how the plan trip went. I guess my three year old niece yelled "crash" about 15 seconds before they landed. hahahaha I bet that either freaked people or made them laugh! I would have laughed!
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